I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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