I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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