Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
