At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
