Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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