I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
