Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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