we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think your dad took our porno
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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