whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
