which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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