And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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