So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
