what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
