A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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