You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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