I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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