bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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