I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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