Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
