it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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