Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
