I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
