The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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