Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
