Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
