I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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