An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize