I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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