A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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