I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
