I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
