I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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