Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
