just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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