I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
