i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
