dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
