with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
