dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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