so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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