I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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