Will you blow on my dice?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
