i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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