we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
