Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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