we have pet lesbian snakes
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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