I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
