i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
