I can't watch pbs sober anymore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
