i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
