Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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