you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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