I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
