You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
