I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
