i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
