One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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