I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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