the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
