Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize