K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
