the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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