i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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