just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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