he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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