I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
kristin has been a bad kristin
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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