I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
