Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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