She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
