i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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