Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have demons in me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize