I think my vagina is haunted
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
