I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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