put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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