I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
