My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
