At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
