I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
