just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
