I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
