My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
