After last night, I could never be a politician.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
